Making use of wedding gifts: Crock Pot Apple Butter

I'm not really much of a "fall girl." You know the ones I mean: as soon as there's a nip in the air, they get a pumpkin spice latte and wear a scarf and post filtered pictures of fallen leaves on Instagram. No judgment, as those things are totally fine. I'm just not that into it. The most autumnal I've really ever gotten is to light an orange-colored scented candle, although I do love a good scarf.

However, I am a big fan of the holidays. And by extension, food that reminds me of the holidays. Usually, holiday foods are fall foods. In that spirit, today I made apple butter.

Apple butter is another thing that my granny used to make. She was the type to be up early on Thanksgiving, peeling things and baking away. I can remember several times where my mom and grandma would be peeling potatoes for what seemed like hours.

My granny didn't have a peeler, a food processor, or an apple corer, among other things. I don't even think she had a crock pot. So props to her for doing this shit old school. But it's 2014, and to quote one of the great philosophers of the 21st century, ain't nobody got time for that.

This is the recipe I used. I know you can make apple butter without a slow cooker but... why? It took me almost no time to get this going, which would not have been the case if I had had to churn something or whatever you do. Now that I have all these new gadgets that loving family and friends gave us for wedding presents, making things that might have taken me a long time before (and therefore would not have gotten made) are a snap.

(The crock pot itself was also a gift and that's because G would never let me buy one. He once said "Crock pots are a crock of shit." He certainly hasn't complained about eating anything that's come out of it, so a point to crock pots.)

I made myself a cup of tea (in my amazing PerfecTea maker, which was not a wedding gift but a Christmas present a couple years ago from my cousin) and got to work.

If you don't have a Titan peeler, you need one immediately.

I peeled three pounds of apples in about 5-10 minutes. It would have taken Granny a bit longer, I'm sure--but not that much longer.

I put them in a water bath and I'm not really sure why. Some bit of stored knowledge tells me that the apples won't turn brown if you do that, and I don't know if that's true. I did it anyway, though. They didn't turn brown. So maybe it worked?

This apple corer/slicer thing is a great invention. I don't know how I lived without it. I'm kind of all thumbs when it comes to slicing apples--usually I end up cutting way too much of them off just to try to avoid having seeds or weird things that feel like plastic (what are those?) in my mouth.

I mixed up all the sugars and spices in this little measuring bowl that's part of an amazing Joseph Joseph set, along with that blue bowl pictured above, that nests together and includes all the basics: measuring cups and a measuring bowl, a sieve, a colander and a large mixing bowl. It's awesome because I have a tiny kitchen and anything that saves space automatically gets lots of points.

Spices go into the crock pot along with the apples, mix 'em up and turn on the heat!

I somehow resisted eating one of these.

The crock pot had to go for ten hours and I'm not the best at math. So I had to get out of bed twice: once at ten in the middle of Cinderella (which I'd never seen before and was way better than expected. I hate those evil stepsisters ugh) to stir and add the vanilla flavoring and then again at midnight. I definitely didn't stay up until midnight and when the alarm went off I trudged into the kitchen, turned off the crock pot and went back to bed. The mixing can wait until the morning.

Which it did. And that was fine, because it was nice and cool by then. I ended up with three jars filled about 3/4 of the way because I wanted to give some samples to friends.

I put some on a piece of toast when I got home this afternoon. It's delicious! It does taste a bit like applesauce, but what's the difference really? Not much, IMO.

I plan to use it for this recipe ASAP. Doesn't that look amazing! Maybe tomorrow I'll stop by Publix on the way home for some fresh brie.

Verdict: Pretty easy to make but either start it very early or very late so you don't have to wake up in the middle of the night to stir it like me. I'm sure I'll make it again. Doesn't really have that usual apple butter consistency or flavor I'm used to, but still delicious nonetheless. 8/10

Catching Up and a Persimmon Pie

Hey, yes, hello. Its been a while. A lot has happened, good and bad. Let's talk about the good!

I got married! Yay!

I'll have to do a post of honeymoon pictures soon. The wedding was beautiful and everything I'd never even dreamed possible. I haven't gotten the pics from the official photographer yet but I'll post those up too.

So it's fall now, and that's suddenly very apparent here in Florida. This weekend we've gotten down into the 30s. But it'll be back to the 80s during the week which is fine with me.

Anyway, I was after some jelly because we had really lackluster, mass-produced sugar-free jellies in the house and I was tired of it. Jelly is just not the place you want to skimp on sugar. I decided to buy a nice jam so I went to the Jacksonville Farmers Market and found these guys on the way to the jams.

Persimmons! When I was a kid, my granny had a persimmon tree. She'd use them to make stuff but it'd been so long I couldn't even remember what they taste like, only that I liked them. So then I sent a pic to my husband, and this happened:

He is from Chicago and I guess that might excuse it--I don't know if they have persimmons up there--but "Those tomatoes look funny" is probably the most hilarious thing he could have said. He really had no idea what a persimmon was. (Bonus wordplay joke below; how do I love thee...)

So if you don't know what a persimmon is either, let me enlighten you. They are sweet and taste sort of like a date. They're a fall thing and pies made with them are way less common than pumpkins and apples, which of course makes me partial to them. So I made a pie.

Story time: I didn't know how many to buy, and the Asian-American woman who sold them to me did not understand my Southern accent when I asked "How many of these do I need to make a pie?" She kept repeating "Pah? A pah? What are you making?" So I just Googled it and found a recipe I wanted to use, saw that it asked for 4 cups and then eyeballed it: I bought nine for $3.

Just so you know, I think I might have made one pie in my life, and I can't remember it, so it's safe to say I'm pretty new at this.

I used this recipe from Loveless Cafe. It looked pretty simple.

First step, cut the persimmons in half and scoop out the middles. After I did that, I tried to use my hand mixer to smoosh them up, but I guess they were a little too firm. Out came the food processor!

That did the trick.

Add an egg, some cream, etc. etc.

I love the look of the cream part! So swirly.

I didn't bother making my own pie crust, because screw that. I bought a frozen one and poured my creation inside. It fit perfectly, which meant that I had eyeballed the amount of persimmons correctly and I was quite pleased with myself.

While it was in the oven, I definitely didn't eat the leftover batter.

After I baked it, the middle removed itself from the crust a bit on the sides--I guess the ingredients got smaller with the heat. Oh well.

We put some whipped cream on top. It tasted really good. So good that I forgot to take a picture of it. G loved it, saying he'd rather have persimmon pie any day over pumpkin pie.

My verdict: pies are pretty easy to make. Persimmons are fun and different. Yummy. 10/10

Oh, and by the way: I bought that piña colada jam from Frog Bakery at the Farmer's Market and it is DELISH. Check her out and get some stuff from her!

101 useless platitudes I came up with on my lunch break!

This list has shown up on my Facebook a couple times today. I think it's a prime example of these lists of bland true-isms that people think are some sort of revelation because it's written on the Internet. Most of the stuff on this list is boring and has been said to death, and some of it is downright offensive.

So I decided to offer a rebuttal.



1. The most beautiful thing you can do is smile.
This list is off to a bad start. Was this written by the man who catcalled me in Bushwick last week? The most beautiful thing you can do is whatever the fuck you want and not let anyone tell you what to do.

2. Embrace whatever genre of music you enjoy listening to. Don't let anyone tell you it's "not music."
True, unless you really like post-grunge, in which case, it's not music.


3. But just know there will never be a better song than "In the Air Tonight" by Phil Collins.
Give me a break. This song is cool to blast in the car but there are plenty of better ones. Phil Collins himself has said that this song doesn't even really have a meaning except "This is one song out of all the songs probably that I've ever written that I really don't know what it's about, you know?" Deep thoughts, Phil.


4. It's OK to think another woman is beautiful.
Of course it's okay to think another woman is beautiful. The sentiment here is similar to "It's okay to be friends with a black guy." It's almost saying "It's okay to think another woman is beautiful.... but that's all. No scissoring." How about, instead of this boring drivel, "It's OK to love whomever you want to love."


5. Don't be catty to other women. You'll need them when we all overthrow the world together.
Also because of real reasons--ones that don't involve the implication that feminism = women ruling the world, which just gives antifeminists ammunition.


6. Don't let any man convince you that he is powerful enough to change you.



7. Even if he bought you dinner, you owe him nothing.
Maybe a "Thank you"? But seriously, let's just come out with it: You don't owe him sex. Even if he buys you a Maserati, you don't owe him sex.


8. The amount of pride you feel when you look good in your bikini for 20 minutes is far less than the happiness Taco Bell can bring you. I promise.
I would aim higher than the diarrhea cannon that is Taco Bell. I had some arepas and a cocada at this place a couple weeks ago that were to die for.

Also, why are you only in your bikini for 20 minutes? That doesn't really make sense.


9. Develop a lust to see the world around you.
Yawn, and grammatically clunky. Did you steal this from a 17-year-old girl's Instagrammed photo of a sunrise?


10. It's OK if you don't want to play princess or put on makeup.
I'll give you this one.


11. But it's OK if you do, too.
And this one too. But this is the kind of thing you should probably be telling your son, as girls are not usually told they shouldn't be playing princess.


12. But at least try rugby once for me.
Fine. Where do I sign up?


13. Make sure your life is actually as fun as your Instagram profile makes it out to be.
So I should post pictures of myself at work, sleeping, playing Words With Friends while watching TV, cooking up some Bachelorette Chow, etc.?

True story, my cousin once commented on a picture of me during a trip to Washington, D.C., asking how much time I spend traveling because it seems like a lot. I said "It only seems that way because it's Facebook." I guess my Facebook does make it look like I travel often--which I sometimes do--but it's only because I don't post boring daily updates about mundane activities.

In short, "We must have reasons for Instagrams but we need none for silence."


14. Don't smile if you don't mean it.
True. But I thought smiling was the most beautiful thing I could do?


15. You really don't need another girl to go to the bathroom with you.
I guess this is true, but it's another one that seems like it has a hidden agenda. Don't internalize tired stand-up comedy bits talmbout "It's weird how girls always go to the bathroom together. Men never do that." Take fifteen other girls to the bathroom with you if you want. Someone will be sure to have spare tampons in case you need one.


16. Be blind to gender, race, sexuality and religious beliefs.
Race matters. Do not be blind to these differences. "Don't treat people badly because of their race, gender, sexuality or religious beliefs" would be a more appropriate way to word this.

People who "don't see race" are white. White people who whine about "Why isn't there a white history month?" Because every other month is white history month. And if you paid attention to race, you would realize that.

Teach your daughter to understand that everyone is different, but because of that, they bring different perspectives and ideas to the table. Teach your daughter to listen to people whose experience is different from her own and not to be "blind to it."


17. People are people.
What? This one is here just so you could get to 101, isn't it? Is the next one going to be "It is what it is"?


18. There are few things in life that candles and Fleetwood Mac can't fix.




19. Don't let any man whistle at you on the street and get away with it.
I absolutely believe street harassment should end. But I also believe you should pick your battles. If he whistles, keep walking. If he asks you if he can "cum in your throat," (yes, I've heard that one) then put him in his motherfucking place.


20. If you can't wear sweatpants and be beer bloated around them, they aren't really your friends.
Eh, yeah, I guess. Maybe we just aren't on that level yet? I'm friendly some people whom I might get some coffee with, but we aren't going to wear sweatpants and fart together. Friends can have boundaries.


21. Find friends who are OK with holding your hair back.
Yeah.


22. Be there to hold theirs, too.
Okay, but I reserve the right to hold my breath, close my eyes and gag a little. And don't hate me if I throw up on you.


23. Never let a location be your excuse.
What?


24. You can be the best from wherever you are.
This is just getting stupid. Is this the sequel to the extremely riveting number 23?


25. Develop a voice, and make it loud.
Don't yell, though, we're trying to read.


26. Your success is not my success. It's yours and yours alone.
Are we telling this to our daughters or to ourselves?


27. Even if you're tall, wear the damn heels.
Hell yes.


28. I would really like it if you read Jane Eyre.
I majored in English literature and I haven't read Jane Eyre. I'll get around to it. You know what I'd like my daughter to read? The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. And A Brief History of Time. And Harry Potter.


29. But if you end up liking Twilight, that's cool too.
I read Twilight. It was incredibly bad, but I couldn't put it down. If my daughter decides to read Twilight, I want her to be able to understand why Bella is a Mary Sue, Edward is a stalker and the whole thing is a big metaphor for abstinence and pro-life, which makes it utter bullshit--but entertaining bullshit nonetheless.


30. No 50 Shades of Grey, though.

31. That sh*t is terrible.




32. Please, watch Friends.
Give me a break. I like Friends, but it's not so good that I hope my children watch it. There are a lot of problems with Friends, including but definitely not limited to how "fat Monica" was a common punchline. Wow, fat people doing things like wanting love and acceptance is so hilarious!


33. At least consider joining the Peace Corps.
Props on this one.


34. Go antique shopping.
Again, dull as dishwater. I guess the editor removed "With a Starbucks in your hand and your best girlfriends by your side."


35. Keep the ticket stubs.
You'll need them because otherwise you'll forget what you did, I guess? Brilliant advice.


36. Always wash your face before you go to bed.
This is probably the most important thing on this list.


37. You don't need to bathe yourself in perfume.
Or even wear perfume if you don't want to.


38. Go swimming with your clothes on.
What? Why?


39. Go swimming with no clothes on.
Yaaas.


40. A juice cleanse is never, and never will be, a good idea.
Cleanses in general are bad science. A+


41. You're obligated to watch The Lion King with me at least five times in your life.
Pandering to nostalgia for shares. Next.


42. Believe in guardian angels.
You've gotta be kidding me. I'll leave this one to the king.




43. Make wishes on fallen eyelashes.
And always use those wishes for a parent who wants to teach you about real, important things.


44. Be passionate.

45. Be overly passionate.

46. Be so passionate that people think you might be a little insane.
Previous three items are really just one thing separated out. I guess if you find a thing you're really passionate about that's cool but when you're so super hyped up about something that you never shut up about it, you become annoying. Don't be annoying. Be reasonable.


47. Feminists aren't scary.
Well, yeah. What a bland statement to make about feminism. From the phrasing I'd guess you're trying to get across that you aren't one, but that they aren't horrible monsters.


48. Learn to play the game Spoons.

49. And Euchre.
I don't know either of those games, but I'm sure they're fine. Whatever. You could sub in pretty much anything here.


50. Don't stretch yourself too thin.
'Kay.


51. Never shrink yourself.
Yawn.


52. Don't let anyone tell you it's a phase if you don't think it is.
It probably is, especially if you're under the age of 25.


53. Your sexuality does not define your morality.
True.


54. Go to a music festival at least once.
If I catch you at The Gathering of the Juggalos, you are dead to me.


55. Don't dress the way fashion editors tell you to dress, dress the way they dress.
This one I actually liked. This is a decent piece of fashion advice that I haven't heard before.


56. If your job or your success emasculates him, he isn't worth it.
I wish this read "If he thinks your job or..."


57. Find a man who has more balls than you do.

58. Or woman.

59. And that's OK.
Find a woman with balls, check.


60. If a guy talks to you in clichés, run.
What if my mom does it, in list form?


61. Your value does not come from your appearance, age or size.

62. It never will.
Did this one need to be two?


63. High school is not the best time of your life.

64. College is.
Telling a person that something will be the best thing ever usually has a way of making it suck. 

Don't tell me what's the best time of my life. The latter part of my twenties have been amazing. College was fine but I think I might have been a borderline alcoholic and I had zero friends.

This item also has a bonus implication that everything after college (living in a tiny room with a stranger, drinking shitty beer and eating freeze-dried noodles every day) is a downward spiral. Thanks, mom!

65. The question "What are you thinking?" will work wonders.
Use sparingly.

66. Dance like a maniac in your room with your headphones in.

67. I won't laugh.
I will.


68. Meet someone who makes you laugh so hard you pee.

69. Hold onto them forever.Maybe that nice transwoman from number 59.


70. Go barefoot.
Agreed. 

71. Don't be naïve.
Telling someone to gain experience totally works. I once told a baby to be potty trained and poof, he was.


72. Sometimes being classy is overrated.
No, it isn't.

73. Keep your head up.
Woh-oh, hold your head hiiiiiiigh.... What? Oh, are we still doing this? Look, we could have condensed this list into about ten things.


74. Believe in magic.
I think you spelled Spanx wrong.


75. Don't regret the times you feel sad. How else will you appreciate the times you feel good?
Shut uuuuuup


76. Everything in moderation.

77. Even moderation.
But not passion, I guess?

A lot of these are in sets of two now. Maybe 101 was a lofty goal?


78. Coffee is good for your soul.
But don't become one of these people.

79. Be unapologetically honest.
Nah. Be honest, but realize that you can't always be honest. Not every situation calls for unapologetic honesty. Learn the difference.


80. Connect to music on a level deeper than even you understand.

81. Wake up early.
If you have to.


82. Find a good gay best friend.

83. He'll let you sleep in his bed and borrow his eyeliner.
Okay, I'm going to stop you right there. This list is terrible but this is a new low. A few items back you were totally cool with homosexuality and now you're suggesting gay men are some sort of accessories to add to your collection. And you're suggesting all gay men are the same, they all have eyeliner and they don't mind sleeping in the same bed as women.

If I want my daughter to learn anything, it's that people are not there for our amusement. As with the rest of us humans, homosexual people are all different. I have several gay male friends who do not own eyeliner and, to say the least, would not feel comfortable if I suggested we sleep in the same bed for no reason so that I could tweet about it and probably use the hashtag #gaybestfriend.

If you want to borrow somebody's eyeliner, maybe you should get friend who's, I dunno, a girl? Or maybe you should just get your own eyeliner and make friends with whom you connect, and not try to fill out some white girl fantasy friend checklist.


84. Don't let anyone push you around.
Yeah, yeah. Are we almost to the end?


85. Surround yourself with colorful, beautiful people.
Manic pixie dream girls?


86. Remember that not everyone will think like you.
Some people have depth!


87. Never pass up an experience in favor of sleep.
Depends on the experience. If y'all are going to the moss museum, I'll be right here.


88. The painful truth is always easier than a messy lie.
I mean, haven't you ever watched Frasier?


89. Drink champagne and dance on the table.
Thanks, Confucius.


90. Make a Bucket List.

91. Make a Nectar List.
I had to look up Nectar List, and it's dumb.

92. Always say "I love you" before you leave.
I wholeheartedly agree. Really.

93. Never ignore what's in front of you in favor of taking a photograph.






94. Learn how to successfully get to the front row of concerts.
Buy a front-row ticket.


95. Go camping without worrying about how dirty your hair will get.
Who worries about that? There's plenty of reasonable things to worry about when it comes to going camping. Ticks, for one.


96. Learn to love the way you laugh.
A-HYUK!


97. Laugh often.



98. Be cheesy.
Fine, I'll give you this one too. Be ironically cheesy though, so people get that you aren't that lame.


99. When you feel a good moment, absorb it.
This is just like the one about taking a photo from before. 


100. Find beauty in everything.

101. Don't let fear hold you back from anything.

Wow, I thought there would be something good at the end, something with a little personality. I was wrong.

Quickie Review: Urban Decay Perversion Mascara

For my weekend in NYC I brought along the small tube of Urban Decay Perversion mascara that I got in one of my Ipsy bags. The small tube made it a natural for travel.

As I've mentioned, I'm partial Benefit They're Real. The first thing I noticed with the Urban Decay one was the brush, which has a ton of bristles and they're all close together.

They're also pretty soft, which means they bend and stick together quite easily. I thought that meant inevitable clumplash disaster.

However, when I put the mascara on, I noticed right away that it made my lashes look very long--longer than I'm used to.

And they didn't get too tarantula-leggy or clumpy.

Verdict: 4/5: This stuff loses points mainly because of the brush. I feel like if I'd tried to put on more coats it would have gotten worse. But it did make them look very nice and long with one coat.

Pins of the week, August 30

I'm in New York City enjoying my Debauchelorette Party! In the meantime, follow me on Instagram for pics of the trip and enjoy this stuff I'm loving on Pinterest this week:

Malene Berger sequin pencil skirt, via

Most sequin skirts I see are minis. The length here classes up the skirt a lot, and the casual top makes it a piece you could actually wear in the daytime.

Where to apply highlighter, via

I have a feeling I'll be coming back to this one a few times.

Salmon Burgers with Lemon Caper Wine Sauce, via

Plop a big piece of salmon on a bun -- TA DA, it's a burger.

But seriously, I love me some fish sammiches, and I love me some sammiches with fried onion strings on 'em. This recipe is getting made.

Cute fall outfit, via

I just got a pair of tall fall boots--yes, I'm really late to that game but it's extremely hard to find a well-fitting pair when you have wide feet, chubby calves and extra-short legs. Like impossible. So I'm happy about the purchase and anyway, I'm into this outfit. That Old Navy striped dress is just adorable. I know the whole thing is a little country-girl-in-the-big-city but, well, I gotta touch of that in me.

That's it. See you next week!

In-veg-stigation, episode 1: Cafeteria at UF Health Jacksonville

This is part one in a series I'm going to call In-veg-stigation. Being a pescetarian/vegetarian/vegan is hard enough, and sometimes you'll find yourself in a place wondering if there's anything at all you can eat. So I'll check it out beforehand for you and give you some recommendations.

So if your loved one gets hit over the head with anything in Jacksonville right before lunchtime and you have to drive him/her to the hospital, you'll probably end up eating in the cafeteria at UF Health Jacksonville while you wait. I eat here somewhat frequently, as my fiance G works here.

The most recent time I ate there was on Sunday, which is a day on which I'd recommend you try not to go, just because the quite adequate salad bar (more on that later) is closed on weekends and they don't have a lot of food out.

This time the TV which usually displays a menu was off and there wasn't even a sign saying what they had. I was trying to take pictures but it was difficult because I kept getting the stink-eye from the workers.

Sneaked a pic of the grill station though

I asked the guy at the grill station if he had any veggie burgers, as they sometimes do and they're not half bad. He said, "No, but we have turkey burgers," as if that's similar. I declined and went for the specials bar, which is usually decent.

I chose a piece of fish, some mac and cheese, and some mixed corn and lima beans. I wanted broccoli; the server said he was "Waiting on it," but I didn't want to, so corn and lima beans it was. The other items offered were chicken wings, cooked baby carrots (I'm not a fan) and mashed potatoes and gravy, which also looked okay but I can't turn down mac and cheese. If you're a pescetarian like me, this is a quite decent selection. If you're vegan, though, you're kinda screwed here as I'm sure there's butter in the corn. So, carrots, maybe? Probably butter there too, actually.

If you see some pizza at one end of this bar, I wouldn't recommend it. It never looks too good (always kinda burnt and greasy) and it's like a million calories per slice for some reason. Even the one that's just cheese.

Time to mosey on back to where G was getting his cheeseburger, which always takes a long time to get.

The toppings for the burgers always look quite fresh and appetizing.

I wanted to take a picture of the other side of the room, which has prepackaged little salads and things like those small Sabra hummus and pretzel cups and jello parfaits, but I was rushed. That side looks promising for veggies, but there are absolutely zero pre-made salads that don't have meat on them over there. It's astounding, really--every single one has chicken on it. If you want to eat caprese salad-in-a-cup or grapes and cheese, you're good though.

However, the salad bar, open Monday through Friday, is pretty decent. They have things like chickpeas, several different cheeses, nuts, berries and other things to go on them. If you're vegan, well, I hope your friend got hit on the head on a weekday.

The vegetarian's convenience store go-tos--single-serve bags of chips, granola bars, and fresh fruit--are also available here, which is good in a pinch.

Verdict: 2.5 out of 5 
Some healthier options overall would improve this cafeteria, especially since, y'know, we're in a hospital. They are trying, however; when the TVs are on, they often display a calorie count beside the items available. I get why they close down the salad bar on the weekends, as there are a lot less people eating, but it does suck. Also, why are there sometimes veggie burgers? It's not as if they're making these things in-house. They're frozen. Just keeping a box of them in the back shouldn't be too hard.

Also, the food is not good (we're in a hospital, guys), but I wouldn't call it bad. I didn't finish the macaroni, and there was more oil than I'd like on the fish, but it's definitely edible.

 All told, veggies should be able to find something to eat here. But don't expect many options.

Hell Yes Party Nails

I got my nails done yesterday by Morgan A. Dixon, aka MAD Nails. Aren't they awesome?

I didn't even expect to get my nails done, I thought it was just a meet-and-greet, so I didn't plan on anything, but these babies are going to be perfect for my upcoming Debauchelorette party weekend.

My friend C lives in Brooklyn, New York and she's my only bridesmaid so I'm leaving Friday monring to go up and visit her in the big city! We're planning on having drinks and riding the ferris wheel at Coney Island, going vintage shopping in Chelsea, spending many hours at Spa Castle, attempting to out-hot some other hoes and get into Le Bain to dance and eat crepes, and much more. It's less than a week away!

Three reasons to visit Lush

Today, we're going to talk about Lush Fresh Handmade Cosmetics.

If you don't know about Lush, I recommend you seek one out. We didn't have one in Jacksonville until the last year and now we have two, one at The Avenues and one at St. Johns Town Center. If you do know about Lush, you might think it's a place that just has bath bombs and soap. While they do have those things (and they're awesome), check out these lesser known products that I discovered on a recent trip to the mall.

The first is Silky Underwear Dusting Powder. "Ew," you may think. I understand. But let's be real. You have some places on your body that could use a little less moisture.

I bought this bottle on a recommendation from Tumblr as a great chub rub (or "thighfire," as my friend C and I call it--you know, because you're rubbing two sticks together and creating a lot of heat) solution. It's great for that. The powder soaks up moisture and the cocoa butter keeps you from getting all bumpy and sticky. Amaze.

But I've started putting it other places, too. I'm a die-hard flip flop girl, and so when I put on regular shoes the footsweats seem terrible. A little dusting in my favorite flats, no more footsweat. And it makes them smell like jasmine. It's great for that underboob sweat rash too and, yes, put it in your underpants. EVERYTHING SMELLS BETTER AND IS DRIER, GUISE. EVERYTHING.

A 2-oz bottle is a paltry $7.95.

The second thing I discovered was the massage bar.

The girl that works at Lush suggested it and gave me a nice arm massage with one. I couldn't resist. I got this one, called "Wiccy Magic Muscles." It smells amazing, like mint and cinnamon, and it makes your skin feel a little tingly. This one was $10.95, but they range in price from $7.45 to $13.95.

To use, you take it and rub it in your hands for a bit so the oils in it get kinda melty and then rub it around on the person you're massaging a bit, but not too much! Then you'll have to massage 'em all day because the oils just keep going and I mean, you don't want to spoil him/her.

G loves this thing. Its oils actually rub into your skin, but not too fast, and having them makes it a lot easier to rub because your hands just glide over the skin. I find I can rub his tired after-work muscles for a long time if I've lubed his back up with the massage bar.

Last but not least is Lemony Flutter.

I got a sample of this because I was already spending too much money but it's definitely worth the $16.95 for a pot if you have problems with dry cuticles.

It smells like Jesus. If Jesus was a lemon cake.

It's not exactly lotion, it's more like cuticle oil. But it's good for your hands and the dry parts on your feet and pretty much anything else that needs serious moisture. I put it on my hands when I don't need it just so I can smell it later.

Anyway, Lush is awesome. If I had more money I'd spend it all there.

How I learned to stop worrying and love my hair

People often stop me in stores or on the street to tell me how beautiful my super-thick, curly hair is. I love it, even though I always tell them "Oh, if you had it, you'd say otherwise!" And they probably would. It's been a long road to love for me and my hair.

When I was a kid, my mom loved my long hair so much, she wouldn't let me cut it or thin it. The problem was that she has very straight hair and didn't know how to help me contain the frizz, like realizing that I shouldn't be brushing it, like, ever. We also didn't have a lot of money for products. So I was walking around with huge ball of fluff for a head for years.

I have cut it all off a few times. I used to keep it short and straighten it, which was manageable.

My 22nd birthday. Chubbers.

But I got tired of straightening it and then constantly worrying about it getting even a little wet. One day I decided to just let it do its thing. And it was one of the most liberating things I've ever done.

Today I imagine myself as Carrie Bradshaw, curls whipping as I walk down the street. My hair is never out of place, because it has no place. It bounces, it flaps in the wind, it doesn't matter what happens to it. (Yes, I shed constantly and it's very hot, especially here in Jacksonville, Florida, but those things don't really outweigh the minimal styling and upkeep stress.)

So my fellow curly girls, put down your straighteners! If you've got hair like mine, here are some tips for loving it:

1. Don't ever brush it.

#turndownforwhat

This is how my hair often looked when I was a kid, and I didn't understand. Wasn't I supposed to brush my hair? NO. Never brush curly hair. You're only breaking up the curls. So what should you do?

Comb it. Get a wide-toothed comb and comb it out before you get in the shower to wash it. Only then. If you get a lot of knots, just finger through them. Don't comb it while it's wet, because it's more likely to break then. Run your conditioner through it with your fingers. That's it.

2. Use less shampoo. I am still working on this myself. But you don't need a lot, even if you have a lot of hair. If it doesn't seem like it's lathering up much, just rinse and repeat. The second time is always better.

Use more conditioner, leave about 1/3 of it in your hair when you're rinsing, and if you can, turn the water to cold right before you get out and do one quick rinse with it. The "pores" will close up and you'll see less frizz. And wrap it up in a microfiber towel or old T-shirt. Regular towels have those little "fingers" on them that will pull apart your curls.

Also, I only wash my hair two times a week. I know you might think that's gross, but it just doesn't need it. Curly hair doesn't usually get as oily as some other types, so you can go a little longer. Try it.

3. Products. I used to not want to spend money on products, but it's a necessity.

For curly hair by kirbythinks featuring L'Oréal Paris

Josie Maran beauty product / L Oréal Paris styling product / Amazon.com : Sexy Hair Style Spray Clay Texturizing, 4.4 Ounce :...

Here are some products I'm using right now on my hair. The l'Oreal and Suave both go on my wet hair right after washing. They help to keep the curls intact and minimize flyaways and they're both cheap. StyleSexyHair's Spray Clay is great for keeping everything exactly where you want it, it's a wonderful styling aid for curly girls. And the argan oil is to get some shininess and moisture. (This one is from Sephora, and I kick myself all the time for not loading up on cheap argan oil when I was in Morocco. Ugh.)

One of the best styling products I've ever used, though, is a spray bottle of water. Seriously. It helps tremendously on limp third-day hair. A few spritzes of water, maybe a pump of gel or curl cream, and it's like new. And you might not realize how jealous other people will get when you tell them that your morning hairstyling routine is "Spray some water on it." Be prepared to defend yourself.

Go forth and be curly!

Carrie would approve.

Spring Asparagus Risotto

thugkitchen.com

I hopped by Publix yesterday and scanned my food pinboard for something to make. I saw this recipe and remembered that I had some a-spare-agus (spare asparagus) in the fridge. It was fate. I'd never made risotto before, in fact I've only ever eaten it once, but it looked good so that was that.

For anyone who's not familiar with Thug Kitchen, it's a guy (I assume) who's not vegan, but his girlfriend is, and he "supports that shit." He makes delicious, easy vegan recipes that you won't even mind eating if you're not vegan. I feed Thug Kitchen's food to my meat-loving fiance, G, and he gobbles it up.

(Full disclosure, G is what some people -- not he or I --  might call a flexatarian. I'm pescetarian and I often make meat-free dishes, which he is more than happy to eat. He'll even buy fake meat if he's cooking. He's the best.)

So anyway, here's my first attempt at risotto-making. Click the picture at the top of the page for the full recipe and instructions.

Spring Asparagus Risotto

2 tablespoons olive oil
1/3 cup chopped shallots or yellow onion
3 cloves garlic, minced
1 cup Arborio rice*
½ cup white wine
¼ teaspoon salt
4 ½ cups vegetable broth
1 bunch asparagus, about 1 pound
½ teaspoon lemon zest
1 teaspoon olive oil
¼ cup minced chives
pepper to taste

TK's recipe calls for a shallot or yellow onion. I decided to go for the shallot, but as I am still learning about anything that isn't called "onion," (I was raised in Podunk, NC and we don't have fancy shit like that) I bought the wrong thing. I bought scallions.

Scallions and shallots have really similar names, amirite? How am I supposed to keep up with all these different types of onions when they all start with S and have a double-L?

So we had scallions in our risotto.

#yolo

The recipe also calls for white wine. I had to Google that to find out which ones are good for cooking. Hurray, Sauvignon blanc!

I was pretty surprised that this $5.99 bottle of wine had a cork. Fancy.

After I add the wine to the pan, TK's instructions are clear: "Drink the rest of the wine because… well, that shits already open. Might as well."

Wine in hand, I pour in the broth, let it sit a while, stir a bit...

TK: "Just stir it every minute or two while you clean up or troll the internet."

 Done.

On that note, is anyone else really into the Kim Kardashian Hollywood game? I'm all over it. I've managed to get by with only spending $4 on it so far, but who knows what will happen. I might need some new shoes.

So anyway, I add the asparagus.

Lookin' good.

Making this recipe was quite easy. I was kind of unsure about cooking rice, uncovered, in approximately 20 minutes, but apparently Arborio rice is different.

It came out really well. G was impressed, saying that often, people overcook risotto and it becomes mushy. But this one was spot on. The scallions made no difference, but next time I make it I'll get the right thing and maybe it'll take this dish to a whole new level.

G said he'd prefer less lemon zest next time, but he always says that. I didn't think it had too much. I think lemon zest really improves stuff like this that has that "soup" flavor. He also whined when I told him there wasn't any more, if that tells you anything.